The new FIFA “Peace Prize” was apparently so meaningful to its recipient that it’s already been discarded and discovered amongst all the useless chotskies at the local thrift store. “I couldn’t ...

North Dakota’s attempt to lure crossborder Christmas shoppers has met with a hiccup this week after the local Chamber of Commerce announced they’d be bringing back the wood chipper. “Yeah, I think ...

Despite a slight hiccup in the plan last night, the Winnipeg Jets are hoping to get back on track and lose every game from now until whenever Connor Hellebuyck comes back. “I’m really disappointed in ...

McGill University has freed up more than $6 billion in budget space after cutting the beloved but expensive crokinole team. “Players kept flicking the pieces all over the place and losing them,” said ...

Dating couple Amanda and Kevin of Landmark drove into the city this weekend to sit in their car with the windows rolled down on Lagimodiere. “I knew this was a great first date stop,” said Kevin.

It seems even President Trump can’t stake awake during one of Pastor Dave’s long meandering sermons. “I’m shocked. I thought for sure he had the stamina to withstand a 2-hour-long boring exposition of ...

Although it’s controversial in some circles, it’s been part of the Anabaptist system, and the Protestant system more generally, for centuries – crossing the floor. Whenever a church member feels ...

A trucker’s convoy-worth of sunflower seeds are on their way to Toronto this week to meet the demand of baseball fans in the GTA. “We’re basically just having them dump it in Sankofa Square,” said ...

In a shocking turn of events, more than 300 million Americans went completely without Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. “There wasn’t even any pumpkin pie,” said Mrs. Eby of Kitchener, Ontario, who ...

Mr. Abe Klassen of Rosthern has just been awarded the top prize for the most delicious, most noble peas in the world. “Just look at those green plump peas, slathered in butter,” said judge Bjorn ...

There was a rush to the local MCC this week to get used copies of the latest Taylor Swift album, after it was discovered that Abbotsford fans got a shout out on the title track. “Hey, Mrs.

Mennonites across Kansas were stirred into a frenzy this week after they heard that speeches were now free. “Even the thrift store doesn’t have free speech like this,” said Mr. Janzen. “I’ve never ...